Slayers Valentine's Day
by Ryze
Summary: It's Valentine's Day, only Hellmaster has another idea.


  
"From your secret admirer," Lina finished as she read the letter aloud. She lifted her eyes from the pink and red paper, scented with perfume and cut in a heart.  
"Wow, Miss Lina, that's exactly what my letter said too! Well, it didn't mention the kissy part, but had all about how each time this mystery guys sees my beautiful face his heart does back flips and all that," explained Amelia.  
"So did mine," chimed in the other girls, Martina, Filia, and Syphiel.  
"He sounds dreamy," said a blushing Martina with a fan of her hand.  
"He really knows how to capture a woman's heart," agreed Filia, also blushing and fanning.  
"Maybe it's dear Gourry," suggested Syphiel. "He's coming over here; I'll ask him."  
Gourry was, indeed, walking over to the group of girls. The only odd thing about it was that, he too, was holding one of the valentines made by the mystery person.  
"Lina," he began, "after you called me all those names I didn't know you cared."  
"What?!?!" shrieked Lina.  
Gourry held up the card.  
"I didn't make it, jellyfish brain!"  
"But... then... Who did?"  
"I don't know," she sighed.  
"Oh," replied Gourry. He looked somewhat hurt, but he took a seat next to Syphiel and Filia.  
"We have to find out who this is. Gourry can I see that?" asked Lina.  
Gourry handed over his valentine. Lina started to read it, jaw dropped, but she stopped when she heard Amelia shout.  
"Mr. Zelgadis! What a pleasure. Would you please come sit with us? We were discussing-"  
Zel held up a card; he was blushing and, in a way, snarling.  
"-that."  
"Amelia! What's the meaning of this?"  
"Oh, that!"  
"Yes. This. Why did you give this to me?" demanded a beet-red Zel.  
"Whoa! Hold it! Me? Send that to you? Let me see that!"  
Amelia started to read the note before Zelgadis could protest.  
When she was done she shoved it back into his hand and proclaimed, "Mr. Zelgadis, I did not write that!"  
Zel looked almost sad, but instead of sobbing he shouted, "Then who did?"  
"That's what we're trying to figure out," said Lina.  
Zel sighed and joined the rest of the little group. He sat next to Amelia and Syphiel; now and then finding Amelia's hand, always ready to give his a small squeeze. He just blushed as they continued their mystery as to who this person was.  
Before long, Lina had out a little dry-erase board and was making a rather cheesy sketch out on it.  
"Okay," she started, "so, one: the mystery person wrote all those love letters. Two: he sent them to each of us. Three: we all met each other discussed it while the stupid cheap skate snickered about how dumb we were and how smart they were since we fell right for their plan."  
"And what was their plan?" asked Filia.  
"I have no idea. That's what makes us so stupid, I guess."  
"Oh. Okay."  
Everyone but Lina shrugged. Seeing as the meeting was going nowhere, Lina stood.  
"Miss Lina? Where are you going?" inquired Amelia. Lina turned and looked at her friend.  
"To get something to eat. We're not figuring anything out soon, and I'm hungry," she replied with a shrug. Gourry nodded.  
"That seems like a good idea. I'll join you," he said. Soon enough, everyone had agreed to go get food. The hotel dining room was ready for Valentine's Day. It was a mass of red, white, and pink. There were hearts, cupids, and the word "love" printed over everything. There was even a band in the corner wearing red and playing love songs. The entire group sweat dropped as they entered. Lina walked up to the waitress, who was wearing a pink dress with red and white hearts on it. It hurt her eyes, so she averted them as she spoke.  
"Table for seven, please," she told the waitress.  
"Right this way," the waitress pointed with one perfectly manicured finger. Still shielding her eyes, Lina led the group to where the waitress has pointed.  
"Thanks," she mumbled. They all sat around the table and stared at the menu.  
"Lover's Delight? Heart-to-Heart Steak? Lovey Dovey Duck? Kissing Cod? What's wrong with this menu?" thought Lina.  
She looked up to see how the others were faring with it. Gourry has his eyes shut and was pointing to random dishes. Amelia was telling Zel what her best guess for what the dishes where. Zel was blushing and mumbling something about killing the creator of Valentine's Day. Syphiel kept casting glances of Gourry. Martina was wondering what Zomelgustar would choose. And Fila was spinning her Valgaav egg, ready to choose whatever it landed on. Lina decided upon the Happy Hearts Lasagna and the Chicken of Love, because they sounded the most normal. Once they had all decided, a waiter walked up to their table.  
He was dressed in a red tux with a white shirt, pink tie, red hat, and white shoes.  
"May I take your order?" he asked in a smooth waiter voice.  
"GAAV?!?" They all cried in astonishment. The waiter looked puzzled.  
"Yes, I'm Gaav. What will you be having tonight?" he asked again. They were speechless.  
"C'mon, I haven't got all day!" he said, smooth waiter voice just boarding on annoyance. They all quickly recovered and ordered their food.  
Gaav walked away from their table carrying his tray as he fixed his hat.  
"Well, now that's not something you see everyday!" announced Lina.  
"I'll say," agreed Zel.  
"What, Miss Lina?" asked a troubled Amelia.  
"One of our old enemies that dies coming back to life and serving you at a Valentine's Day themed restaurant."  
"I wonder why..." said Syphiel.  
"Maybe he's the mystery person," suggested Filia, but before anyone could respond they heard a familiar voice.  
"'ello, me ladies... and me friends of me ladies," a green eye folded into a wink.  
Sure enough, it was Hellmaster Phibrizzo. The whole table groaned, except Filia, for she had no idea who this cute little boy was.  
"This is getting weirder and weirder," moaned Lina.  
""You can say that again, Miss Lina," said Amelia.  
Hellmaster was dressed as, well, Cupid. He had on a sort of bath towel that looked somewhat like a toga and held a small bow and arrow set. He smirked.  
"Looks like L-sama gave me a new job. Oh, yeah, Martina, it's been a while." He glared at her a little as she merely turned her head away.  
"Don't talk to my wife!" shouted a new person.  
"Zangalus!" Martina dashed over to the bounty hunter and started hugging and kissing him.  
"Okay. Okay. That's enough." He peeled her off and took a seat next to her at the table. Hellmaster was already sitting next to Zel and Gourry. The small talk went on for a while (questions like, "How are you?" or "What have you been doing lately?" and "How the hell did you come back to life") and, soon, classy Gaav came back to their table with a tray filled with food.  
"Yum! This is MY true love!" Lina exclaimed as she picked up a whole chicken and began eating it. Everyone else dug in as well.  
When everyone finished and waiter Gaav had cleared the plates, Amelia made an announcement.  
"To everyone here, I would like to say something. I cordially invite each and everyone of you to a Valentine's Day party at my father's, Prince Phil's, house," she spoke as she handed out the invitations. They were red hearts with white lace on the edges and it was written in pink.  
"And one for you too, Mr. Zelgadis," Amelia said as she handed him an invitation. He blushed crimson, but took it anyway. Just then, who should appear, but Xelloss. He was wearing the same outfit as usual, except for the red top hat, which he had obviously stolen from Gaav.  
"Hello!" he chirped. Everyone groaned. Filia glared maliciously at the Mazuko. Phibby suddenly got on a sly smile as he looked at the two.  
"Why, hello, Filia! My, aren't you looking lovely today! Did you meet someone?" Xelloss said in his usual chipper, but annoying voice. Filia was about to make a retort when something hit her shoulder.  
"Ow!" she exclaimed and then looked up at Xelloss.  
"Someone get her off me!" Xelloss cried as he attempted to pry the dragon girl off. She was hugging him around the waist with little hearts in her eyes. Xelloss, on the other hand had a look of pure terror. Phibrizzo giggled.  
"This is fun!" he squealed with delight.  
Xelloss managed to free his arms and only used them to shrug.  
"Filia..." asked Martina, placing a hand on the strand dragon's shoulder. "What's gotten into you?"  
Filia sighed. "Oh, nothing. Oh, Mazuko! You're the cutest thing!" She kissed him, on the lips, at this Xelloss blushed darkly.  
"Okay... I'm a little confused... I'm not complaining! I think I might be able to get used to this..."  
Phibby snickered at this.  
"Maybe I should have a little more fun!" thought Hellmaster gleefully.  
"Mr. Zangalus?" asked Amelia. "Could you please pass me the ketchup?"  
"Oh, sure."  
Zangalus picked up the bottle and was handing it to Amelia when he dropped it.  
"Ow!"  
"What's wrong, Mr. Zangalus?"  
"Nothing... Oh, Amelia, have I ever mentioned how beautiful your eyes are? In this light... I've never seen any-"  
"Zangalus!" shrieked Martina. She glared at him a while then slugged him for good measure.  
Phibrizzo cackled and looked for another victims. He enjoyed the love conflicts he was causing.  
Lina kept on eating and hardly noticing when something pricked her.  
"Mmm... mmm... ow... mmm... mmm... Gourry, you're hot... mmm... mmm..."  
"What?... mmm..." asked Gourry with his mouth full.  
Lina stopped eating as a few people in the gang screamed. Her fork clattered on to her plate with a "Ching!" and she grabbed Gourry around the neck and started kissing him.  
"...Lina!... I... want my... food!..."  
Gourry managed to shove her off of him and she smacked into a chair. She just got up, walked back to the table, and continued kissing Gourry.  
Zel sweat dropped. He had only had a sip of his coffee so he was still a little hungry. He held up a hand to call over Gaav, but instead put the hand to his shoulder.  
Syphiel cried out, "Oh, Mr. Zelgadis! Are you alright?"  
"I'm fine..." said a blushing Zel. "How couldn't I be fine with you around?"  
Amelia was close to tears.  
"Mr. Zelgadis!" she shrieked.  
Syphiel was blushing. Zel leaned over Amelia and kissed Syphiel on the lips. Both Amelia and Syphiel sat with their jaws dropped. Zel suddenly swept Syphiel into his arms and began cooing to her. Amelia was trying with all her might to keep from killing him then and there.  
"A-Amelia?" a voice next to her asked. She whirled around to see who was bothering her. It was Gourry. He was still trying to pry Lina off of him and looked at the justice warrior with pleading eyes.  
"Could you please-ow!" he exclaimed. His eyes suddenly glazed over as he stared at Amelia.  
"Dearest Amelia, did I ever tell you just how beautiful you are?" he asked in a soothing, love-stricken voice. Nearby, Hellmaster was in a fit of giggles.  
"And I thought raising the dead was fun!" he exclaimed between laughter and gasps for breath. When he finally regained his composure, he surveyed the scene before him. After taking note of everything before him he exploded into laughter again.  
Filia was clinging to Xelloss' waist, hearts in her eyes. Xelloss had a very smug look on, even though he was running short of breath. Lina was on Gourry's back, trying to pull him away from Amelia. Gourry was using the Sword of Light's hilt to pry Lina off while trying to kiss Amelia. Amelia was looking very confused at Gourry while yelling at Zel.  
Zel had a blushing, but bewildered Syphiel in his arms, alternating between kissing her and murmuring in her ear. Martina was yelling at Zangalus, who was looking at Amelia lovingly, and had had switched his outfit to one that resembled Romeo's. He began playing on a lute and was, to everyone's horror, singing. You can understand why Phibby was laughing.  
"Well, well, well. What have we here?" came an all too familiar voice. Everyone stopped what he or she were doing and froze in position to see three figures come up to the table.  
"What do we have here? You people always forget that I can't see," one of the people said.  
"Rezo, you aren't missing much. There's just some random confusion, most likely caused by that little cupid over there," another one told the red priest.  
"I don't know what you're looking at, Dilgear, but I see a bunch of people struck with the love disease!" the third said to the troll/werewolf, the word "love" rolling off his tongue.  
"And look!" he continued, "Rezo, you and I have the red for the occasion!" The priest smacked Kopii upside the head.  
"I'm blind you dolt! I don't even know what red is!" he yelled. Kopii rubbed his head. Still glaring at the smirking priest, he turned his attention back to the group at the table.  
"So, who's proposed already? I want to know what I've missed!" he exclaimed while doing "Libby's infamous eye thing".   
A chorus of "WHAT?!?" arose from the group. Phibby just resumed laughing.  
"Ah, there are you Phibrizzo! I've been looking all over for you! Well, figuratively speaking, of course," Rezo chuckled at his joke. Everyone else sweat dropped. "Anyway," he continued, "when you ran away I thought my babysitting days were over, and I was extremely distressed to find that my love arrows were missing as well. I hope the effects wear off before the party."  
"You were babysitting him?!?" Amelia exclaimed. Rezo nodded.  
"Well, when will the love arrows wear off?" Syphiel asked before being kissed by Zel again.  
"I think in about ten minutes. We calculated how long they would last," Dilgear told them.  
"Gourry! I challenge you to a duel!" came a shout from across the table. Everyone looked up to see Zangalus and Gourry, sparks flying in between them.  
"Accepted! For the honor of the fair Lady Amelia!" Gourry shouted back.  
"After the duel! That's when they'll wear off!" Dilgear concluded. Everyone, except Phibby who was crying from laughing so hard, groaned collectively. So there was to be a duel.  
******  
Gourry and Zelgadis pulled out their swords.  
"Light come forth!" shouted Gourry.  
"Howling Sword Part Two!"  
Zangalus slashed at Gourry leaning towards a horizontal strike. Gourry blocked it along with a few more strikes. Everyone, well almost everyone, gathered around to watch. Zelgadis continued to hold Syphiel and kiss her. She merely blushed and ::cough:: "struggled" ::cough::. Gourry made a vertical cut, but Zangalus was fast, well, fast enough. He blocked it and slashed back.  
This continued for a while until Gourry threw a strike at Zangalus causing the enchanted sword to fly out of the bounty hunter's grasp and onto the floor. The blonde haired swordsmen pointed his weapon at the hat topped one. The black haired fighter cowered away, edging towards the wall to escape the glowing blade's deadly blow.  
"Okay," said Gourry, "do you surrender?"  
"Surrender?" spat Zangalus. "Never shall I surrender for my beloved Amelia!"  
"Oh?" Gourry raised an eyebrow. His sword drew closer to Zangalus's neck.  
"Stop!" cried Amelia. "What you two are doing is wrong! In the name of justice, truth, and-"  
"Amelia!" both fighters shouted at once. "I- I love you, my darling!" Amelia was a bit taken a back by that news. Both men were on one knee, both ready to propose. Then they blinked. And Zel blinked. Same with Lina. Filia also blinked. Amelia, Xelloss, Phibrizzo, Syphiel, Martina, Rezo, Kopii, and Dilgear all plugged their ears as the others screamed. Then there was tumultuous confusion.  
"Why, Filia, I didn't know you really cared," Xelloss grinned at the dragon.  
"Ew! I kissed a Mazuko! I've gone against my people!"  
"You sure have!"  
"You've done enough damage, namagomi!" she screamed and smacked him with her mace.  
"S-Syphiel, I'm terribly sorry. I- I don't know what came over me," Zel apologized while setting her down.  
"Oh, I don't mind Mr. Zelgadis," she replied.   
"I thought the bonds of marriage made you only loyal to me, Zangalus!"  
"Martina, dearest, I'm sorry! Please forgive me!" Zangalus pleaded with his wife.  
"Hmph. We'll discuss it later."  
"A-Amelia. Sorry, about that," Gourry said.  
"Oh, that's OK, Mr. Gourry. I don't mind, really," she replied.  
Lina and Gourry didn't talk to each other because they had resumed eating. Zel soon found Amelia, sitting alone.  
"Amelia? I'm really sorry about what happened," he told her.  
"It's OK. I know you couldn't stop it," she said, looking sad. He sat down next to her.  
"I want you to know that I want to have you be me date to the party," he told her. Amelia's eyes lit up.  
"Really? You're not just saying that?" she asked. He nodded.  
"Oh, Mr. Zelgadis! Of course I will!" she cried and hugged him.  
He patted her back, "Yeah. Just... be gentle with me..."  
She let go and smiled happily.  
******The party was that night. Most people came in pairs. Zel and Amelia arrived early to help Phil get things ready. After most of the decorations were up, and Phil and Amelia were just finishing off the job of hanging up the great welcome sign with Zel supervising, Lina, Gourry, and Syphiel came.  
"FOOD?" asked Lina and Gourry, both of them were hungry- a very scary thought.  
Amelia's stomach also rumbled. "Oo... I'm starving..."  
"Let's get some grub!" declared Lina, punching together a clenched fist and her palm.  
"Yeah!" the other two shouted back.  
"Wait!" boomed Phil's immense voice. His arms were out stretched and he stood in front of the doorway leading to the kitchen. "Now just a minute. Fist we must finish decorating, then we have to wait for the rest of the guests to arrive, and then we can eat!"  
"I can't wait that long!" moaned Lina.  
Just as she said this the doorbell rang. It was Gaav and Phibby.  
"Hi, y'all" smiled Phib.  
Gaav just tipped his red top hat that he had somehow managed to get back.  
The two Mazukos came in and took a seat in the mingling room, apparently showing that they didn't really want to help with the decorations.  
"Hey, Phil!" called Lina. "Why do we even have a day like this?"  
"Like what, Miss Lina?" asked Phil cluelessly as always.  
"Devoted to all that mushy, stupid stuff. If it were up to me I'd make Lina Inverse day where I get to make all the rules and do what I want when I want."  
"In other words," said Zel, "it would be a day focused around eating."  
"And giving presents to me!" added Lina.  
The group sighed.  
A howl from outside the door announced other guests' arrivals. Amelia jovially opened the door to reveal Dilgear standing there, howling, with Rezo running into trees. Kopii was supposedly giving the priest directions and warning him about the inanimate objects, but wasn't doing too good of a job at it. He was merely snickering as Rezo hit each tree and said, "Excuse me," before running into another one. Amelia quickly ushered the three inside and brought them to the mingling room.   
Another knock at the door and Filia opened it to reveal Jiras and Gravos outside, holding a box of chocolates and a pink, red, and white painted vase.   
"Hello Mr. Jiras and Mr. Gravos! Did you lock up the antique store before you came over?" she asked. They nodded and she brought them inside.   
******  
After they had finished decorating, and all of the guests had arrived, everyone was brought into the "singing room" before dinner. They all gathered around a bowl of un-spiked strawberry punch and sang "Life is Wonderful" and other such love songs, until the Mazuko in the group were ready to either puke or kill themselves. Lastly, Zel unexpectedly charmed the group with an adorable song about how grateful he is to have them as friends.  
"Now that we have sung the traditional Valentine's Day songs, we can feast upon the heartfelt food that was lovingly prepared by everyone!" Phil said enthusiastically. The Mazuko made gagging noises. The entire group made their way to the grand dining hall, Lina first, yelling, "FOOD!!!!!" all the while.   
When they entered, they were engulfed in a sea of pink, red, and white. Streamers were hung from the ceiling in a crisscross pattern, and, somehow, managing to form a heart over the dinner table. The walls were decorated with beautiful pictures of Cupid, hearts, and other symbols associated with love. The table was covered with a red cloth, and all of the food was in alternating white and pink containers. Each person had a small, wire basket with little candies in it in front of their plate along with a pink nameplate. They were seated in their official (or assumed) couples. The centerpiece was a huge red heart with "Happy Valentine's Day" written on it in white.   
As each person sat down, he or she noticed a note on the plate in front of him or her, exactly the same as the one they had gotten earlier that morning. They opened their notes simultaneously. Everyone's eyes bugged out as they read their notes. Most of them, with the exceptions of Gourry, Rezo (Rezo is blind, Gourry is an idiot), turned a fiery shade of crimson.   
"When I find out who wrote this, I'm going to kill them! Only Gourry is supposed to know the color of my bra!" Lina yelled, her face scarlet. Everyone sweatdropped.   
"I hate to admit it, but Lina's right!" Amelia exclaimed. Rezo "looked" around in a confused manner.  
"What?! What do the notes say?!" he asked. Kopii took Rezo's note from him and held it in front of him.  
"Let's see," Kopii said, and began to read the letter aloud.  
"My dearest Red Priest,  
Red is the color that symbolizes love,  
And there is much found on you.  
Starting with you robes,  
Your bright red hair,  
And your underwear too!  
The red teddy bear that's found in your lab,  
Red is the color found all 'round your pad!  
Red is a color all over the place,  
And as your finish this letter,  
You'll have red on your face!"  
Kopii blinked.   
"That was one STRANGE letter," he said. Rezo face had turned brilliant red in color.   
"I wonder who could have sent these to us?" Phibrizzo asked. Zel pondered for a minute.   
"Wait, am I right in believing that you all have been getting these letters for about a week?" he asked. They nodded sheepishly.   
"Ok, so if we all have been getting these love letters that means that it has to be someone who isn't here, right?" They nodded again, slowly. Filia stood up quickly and furiously.  
"XELLOSS! I KNOW IT'S YOU, SO SHOW YOURSELF RIGHT NOW!" she yelled. The Mazuko priest appeared on top of the centerpiece.  
"You called, Filia, darling?" he asked.  
"URGH! MAZUKO!"  
Xelloss winked at her and promptly kissed her on the nose. She blushed in an annoyed rage and stomped her foot to show her frustration.  
  
  
I have more yet to post, but I haven't written in out yet. Sorry! I'll do that really soon, OK?  



End file.
